The Return of Aunt Gloria

Aunt Gloria (http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull&cid=1212659717723) enjoyed complaining about everything that was wrong with the world. She was filled with scathing attacks on the Universe’s inability to cater to her every want and need. Unless Aunt Gloria underwent some kind of drastic change, she would go to the grave with gripes against every human being and institution with whom she ever had contact. The time for change was today.

Aunt Gloria woke up groggy after a fitful sleep involving dreams of twin sisters, genetic cloning, and a clip from the Democratic Convention in which Barack Obama selected himself as his own running mate.

She pulled herself together and went to the gym. Even though she was in her early 70s, she worked out three days a week. Before, during and after her workout, she criticized the poor service she received at the club.

Gloria looked down and reached into her purse to get her membership badge. As she handed the tag to the attendant, she had a strange sensation that she was looking at herself. Gloria thought this was just a pre-coffee anomaly caused by the club’s mirrors and poor lighting, and didn’t think much of it.

As she started her rounds on the treadmill, Gloria noticed that all the trainers, male and female, were her exact duplicate. Gloria screamed and ran out of the club still wearing her workout clothes.

Everywhere she went, she was greeted by Aunt Gloria clones. This included the conductors on the subways, the anchormen on the news, and New York City’s finest who were handing out tickets and chasing after muggers. Aunt Glorias were making drug deals, selling used cars, and peddling hot dogs on street corners.

Each encounter with her clones shocked her less as the novelty wore off. Gloria realized that that she was being tested from Above. She went along with the experience, and received service from tens of Aunt Gloria’s throughout the day in cafes, restaurants, and retail outlets.

As the sun was beginning to set on the most bizarre day of her life, she ranked the quality of service that she received from her own personas throughout the day. The service ranged from poor, mediocre, to excellent.

She then thought of herself as a consumer and decided to rate herself as the recipient of the service. Her affect towards those giving her service was at times excellent, sometimes mediocre and at other times downright rude.

She went to Central Park and found a quiet place to regroup. She looked up to the heavens and began a monologue, perhaps the first one in her life that wasn’t drenched in negativity and cynicism.

“I understand why You did this to me. I’ve been egocentric for as long as I can remember. I promise that I will be more caring towards others. I promise I’ll lower my ridiculously high expectations of others and I will raise my own standards of how I treat people.”

“I will keep all of my promises on one condition. Please, I beg of you, please return the world to the way it was when I went to sleep last night. Only one Gloria. Just one. Turn everyone back to themselves. One of me is enough for this world.”

A jogger approached her from behind and nearly knocked her over. Gloria was about to scream at the runner, but stopped herself when she realized the jogger looked nothing like her. Her prayers had been answered. It was time for her to keep her end of the deal. The world had reverted back to itself and there was only one Aunt Gloria.

Although she slipped on occasion, for the most part Gloria kept her promises. By doing so, she gave the world a better self. The world now had an inhabitant who was tolerant, accepting, and a pleasure to be around. The new and improved Gloria enjoyed helping others. The few times when she allowed herself to be pampered, she was a pleasure to serve. At the end of the day, the world would be a better place with more Aunt Glorias.

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Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and training sessions at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book, "Take Two: Your Second Chance to Create the Life you Want" will be published next year. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the Paradigm Shift Communications website, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com.

© Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb