Many of us have audited courses in university, and some of us have been audited by the IRS. However, there’s only one documented case of a person auditing other people’s lives. That person is Henry Wilbanks, class of "07".
A senior at USC, Henry Wilbanks changed majors a record 25 times. And that was just during freshman orientation. His academic advisor, Mr. Tanner, was running out of advice for this wayward student. He was about to give up on Henry when he decided to send him to the controversial dean of the Parapsychology Department, otherwise known as the Department of Last Resort.
Henry walked into Professor Sine's laboratory. It looked like a cross between an Intensive Care Unit and a Polish dentist office. Henry handed Mr. Tanner's note to the professor. As the professor read Tanner's scribbled handwriting, his brow furrowed and his mustache drooped in perfect synchronization.
The professor told Henry that he could volunteer to join an astral projection experiment and receive course credit. Looking for any excuse to get out of studying for his finals, Henry readily agreed. He signed release forms and promised not to mention the experiment to anyone over the age of 8.
"Your life force is going to enter different people of your choosing. Your body will remain in our care here in the lab. This will give you a chance to get first hand experience about different professions and lifestyles."
"You think this will help me decide what I want to be when I grow up?
"We hope so. You will experience a kind of reincarnation without having to die first, a transmigration of your soul, so to speak, with a 30-day escape clause."
"What's that mean?"
"You have 30 days to decide if you want to remain in any particular body permanently, or return to yourself.”
The goal was for Henry to try two or three lifestyles, return to himself, and then be motivated to select a major, graduate, and get a life. However, Henry loved the variety and excitement of life auditing so much that he refused to return to himself and he kept jumping from person to person.
Being a master of indecision, Henry spent three years auditing over 400 lives. He had lived in 39 counties, trying his hand at banking, film directing, and gourmet cooking. He was a CIA agent, a fireman, and even an academic advisor.
Just when he came close to choosing a life to permanently audit or returning to himself, he changed his mind at the last minute. At this rate, Henry was going to end up as a career life auditor.
That was destined to change when Henry woke up one morning in the body of the happiest person he had encountered so far.
In audit number 402, Henry found himself as the father of 8 in an Italian neighborhood in the Bronx. From his surroundings, he could tell his host was lower middle-class, rich in consumer debt, but incredibly happy nonetheless.
In his newest persona, he felt satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment and a quiet pride that required no publicity or fanfare.
Henry had woken up in castles, presidential suites, native huts, and once due to a technical error, in a dog kennel. But something was different about this new life.
His wife called him Antonio. Her voice resonated like an opera singer when she spoke to him. Her blue eyes danced with love when she looked at him. His children, whose ages ranged from a newborn to a senior in high school, waited on him hand and foot as he got ready for work.
Maybe I’ll just be Antonio for the rest of my life, Henry thought. I’ve had money and power, but I’ve never tasted this degree of happiness. Henry wondered what the secret was to Antonio’s contentment.
However, Henry’s other voice kicked in telling him to be careful. He reminded himself that once he made a decision, it was irreversible. Once he chose a new life, he could never go back to himself. After three years of life auditing, Henry was beginning to think he might have a slight problem with making commitments.
After a quick breakfast, Antonio/Henry drove his oldest child to school, and then went to work. He never had a problem navigating within his new lives, because he was just an appendage to an existing life, an additional soul hitching a ride in a self-sustaining creature. He had access to all of the stored memories, instincts, and responses of the host organism, who remained passive during the 30 day visit.
Everyone seemed happy to see Antonio as he walked from his parking space to his company. Why was he so popular? Maybe he was a closet philanthropist who himself lived modestly to hide his wealth. Perhaps he was natural healer or a miracle worker.
When he showed up at his company, Antonio/Henry was almost mobbed by his appreciative employees. This brought back very recent memories of being a rock star. Henry was Bruce Springsteen for 10 days on two different occasions. The "Boss" was the only personality he audited twice.
Antonio/Henry noticed that each employee in his company had either a physical or mental challenge or was a social outcast of one type or another. When he made it past the cheering crowds to his desk, he looked through the employee files. His work force included ex-convicts, recovering alcoholics, escaped cult members and even a former lawyer. Antonio hired people whom no one else would even interview. These employees were filled with gratitude towards Antonio and worked hard to show their appreciation.
Antonio/Henry thumbed through some spreadsheets and saw why Antonio wasn’t a rich man. The company, which was a modest textile outfit, barely broke even each year. Any profits that were made were reinvested in the company or in treatment programs for the employees.
Henry made up his mind. He wanted to remain in Antonio’s body permanently. Antonio was more than Henry could ever become on his own. Henry recited the official incantation that Professor Sine taught him.
“I am now one with Antonio. Antonio and I will now share the same body and life. He will now have two life forces, and I will not interfere with his life. I will only enrich it. Antonio will always have the power of veto over any of my decisions. “
Just then Professor Sine appeared.
“Congratulations, Henry, on finally making a decision. I’m proud of you,” the professor said.
“Thanks Professor.” Antonio/Henry answered.
“However, I can’t let you become Antonio.”
“Why not? Those were the rules.”
“I lied”
“That’s comforting. What else did you lie about?”
“That’s it. Just one untruth. And it’s for your own good.” Sine said.
“Yeah, go ahead, tell me how you are saving me from myself,” Henry said, expecting the professor to echo Mr. Tanner's non-stop lectures.
“Now that you finally saw a life that you respect, a life where you can give to others and be happy as a result of it, it’s now your job to return to Henry and use Antonio as a role model.”
“But, how?”
“You’ve learned from over 400 experts. You have more stored knowledge about life and business strategies than most people can acquire in a lifetime. You can go back to Henry, and do an even better job than Antonio can.”
“But, Professor, I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“You are ready.” With that statement, the professor left Antonio’s/Henry’s office just as quickly as he arrived. Antonio/Henry ran after him, but he couldn’t find him anywhere.
Antonio/Henry returned to his office, put his head on his desk and fell asleep. When he woke up, Henry was back at USC in the parapsychology lab.
Henry got out of bed, disoriented with his reunion with his original body. His head was spinning with memories of hundreds of short but intense relationships he had started and stopped with virtual families, employees, and bosses. He felt a sense of loss and longing.
He quickly left this reverie. There was no time to get sentimental or nostalgic about the past three years of life auditing. He had work to do.
Henry was excited about his new career path. He would start a company just like Antonio’s, but he would go global within a few years. For the first time in his life, Henry felt happy and he was imbued with a sense of purpose and mission. However, the happiness he felt was emanating from the prism of his own soul, and not from Antonio’s or any of the other hundreds of souls he audited.
He would take the first steps to start his company today, right after he had his teeth cleaned.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Do not read this column unless you have ADD/ADHD
You are not allowed to read this column unless you have ADD/ADHD. This column will read like a scattered, senseless, rambling piece of unrelated words unless you are one of us. It will confuse you so don’t bother reading it. If you have ADD/ADHD, this article will make perfect sense to you.
NOTE: If you read this without a letter from your doctor confirming your ADD/ADHD diagnosis or a notarized copy of your Ritalin prescription, we will hunt you down and force you to listen to hours of our mindless, multiple-streams of consciousness. We are not joking. We have ways of monitoring your online habits and enforcing this restriction.
I want to talk about communication in general, and words in particular. Words are one of the least effective means of communication we have, but we are stuck with them, aren’t we? Before I speak to myself or to others, (yes, I speak to myself and I’m proud of it), I ask myself the following question: Do my clothes match? Actually, my wife asks me that question before she lets me out of the house in the morning. In partial seriousness, I challenge myself to find the deeper meaning of words.
Words are misleading at best, dangerous at worst. We’ve all heard the expression “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Richard Bandler, the eccentric co-creator of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is fond of saying a “word is worth a thousand pictures.”
You don’t have to take Bandler seriously if you don’t want to. He doesn’t even take himself seriously. He’s been known to entertain guests who were expecting to go out for Sushi to a bait shop. While the typical San Francisco bait shop lacks the ambiance of most sushi bars, the prices are more reasonable and the menu is basically the same as Japanese fare.
In any event, words often create more confusion than clarity because they trigger different pictures in each listener’s head. In linguistics, they call this surface and deep structure. This is a fancy version of Mad magazine’s, “What they say and what they really mean.”
We will divide up communication into a few categories: advertising, the work world, and interpersonal communication. We will then give a few examples of what we mean by deep and surface structure.
Advertising
What they say:
Buy our fun size candy bars.
What they really mean:
I don’t know about you, but fun size doesn’t mean the size of a postage stamp. Fun size is a chocolate treat the size of a dump truck. But if you buy enough of these miniscule poison pellets, you’ll end up spending more money than if you purchased the normal size bars.
What they say:
Try our new and improved home heating units.
What they really mean:
Our new units won’t asphyxiate you like our old ones did.
In the work world
What the boss says:
You are a lazy, incompetent bum. Please take your pink slip which is proudly displayed on the bulletin board in the employee cafeteria. Two security guards will accompany you out of the premises. Now.
What she really means:
You are an invaluable asset to our company. Don’t expect to take over my job so quickly, but I would like to give you a raise and a company car and promote you as my personal assistant.
What you say to yourself at work:
I love my job. I’m so thankful to have work and steady paycheck. I’m so lucky.
What you really mean:
The money is nice…but get me out of the sweatshop before I go insane.
Interpersonal communications
What your wife says:
You are such a typical guy. Look at that mess you are leaving for me to clean up. You are so insensitive.
What she really means:
You are the greatest man in the world. Our marriage is like a fine wine that improves with age. If I were any happier living with you, I’d have to be medicated.
What you say to your wife:
I’m not going to give you any solutions now. I’m just going to listen to what you are saying and let you know that I understand what you are going through.
What you really mean:
You have three more seconds to express your feelings and then I’m going to give you a solution whether you like it or not.
Take a few minutes to understand the deeper meaning of the words you hear and say. Enjoy your new interpretations of what words really mean. Don’t be fooled by surface structure and comments people might make about the way you dress. There is a deep message being communicated by wearing horizontal and vertical stripes that mere words cannot convey.
-- -- --
{italic}Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book {italic} Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future{/italic} will be published in the spring. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the {url http://pdshiftcoaching.com/} Paradigm Shift Communications{/url}website, or send an email to {email ben@pdshiftcoaching.com}ben@pdshiftcoaching.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb{/italic}
NOTE: If you read this without a letter from your doctor confirming your ADD/ADHD diagnosis or a notarized copy of your Ritalin prescription, we will hunt you down and force you to listen to hours of our mindless, multiple-streams of consciousness. We are not joking. We have ways of monitoring your online habits and enforcing this restriction.
I want to talk about communication in general, and words in particular. Words are one of the least effective means of communication we have, but we are stuck with them, aren’t we? Before I speak to myself or to others, (yes, I speak to myself and I’m proud of it), I ask myself the following question: Do my clothes match? Actually, my wife asks me that question before she lets me out of the house in the morning. In partial seriousness, I challenge myself to find the deeper meaning of words.
Words are misleading at best, dangerous at worst. We’ve all heard the expression “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Richard Bandler, the eccentric co-creator of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is fond of saying a “word is worth a thousand pictures.”
You don’t have to take Bandler seriously if you don’t want to. He doesn’t even take himself seriously. He’s been known to entertain guests who were expecting to go out for Sushi to a bait shop. While the typical San Francisco bait shop lacks the ambiance of most sushi bars, the prices are more reasonable and the menu is basically the same as Japanese fare.
In any event, words often create more confusion than clarity because they trigger different pictures in each listener’s head. In linguistics, they call this surface and deep structure. This is a fancy version of Mad magazine’s, “What they say and what they really mean.”
We will divide up communication into a few categories: advertising, the work world, and interpersonal communication. We will then give a few examples of what we mean by deep and surface structure.
Advertising
What they say:
Buy our fun size candy bars.
What they really mean:
I don’t know about you, but fun size doesn’t mean the size of a postage stamp. Fun size is a chocolate treat the size of a dump truck. But if you buy enough of these miniscule poison pellets, you’ll end up spending more money than if you purchased the normal size bars.
What they say:
Try our new and improved home heating units.
What they really mean:
Our new units won’t asphyxiate you like our old ones did.
In the work world
What the boss says:
You are a lazy, incompetent bum. Please take your pink slip which is proudly displayed on the bulletin board in the employee cafeteria. Two security guards will accompany you out of the premises. Now.
What she really means:
You are an invaluable asset to our company. Don’t expect to take over my job so quickly, but I would like to give you a raise and a company car and promote you as my personal assistant.
What you say to yourself at work:
I love my job. I’m so thankful to have work and steady paycheck. I’m so lucky.
What you really mean:
The money is nice…but get me out of the sweatshop before I go insane.
Interpersonal communications
What your wife says:
You are such a typical guy. Look at that mess you are leaving for me to clean up. You are so insensitive.
What she really means:
You are the greatest man in the world. Our marriage is like a fine wine that improves with age. If I were any happier living with you, I’d have to be medicated.
What you say to your wife:
I’m not going to give you any solutions now. I’m just going to listen to what you are saying and let you know that I understand what you are going through.
What you really mean:
You have three more seconds to express your feelings and then I’m going to give you a solution whether you like it or not.
Take a few minutes to understand the deeper meaning of the words you hear and say. Enjoy your new interpretations of what words really mean. Don’t be fooled by surface structure and comments people might make about the way you dress. There is a deep message being communicated by wearing horizontal and vertical stripes that mere words cannot convey.
-- -- --
{italic}Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book {italic} Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future{/italic} will be published in the spring. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the {url http://pdshiftcoaching.com/} Paradigm Shift Communications{/url}website, or send an email to {email ben@pdshiftcoaching.com}ben@pdshiftcoaching.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb{/italic}
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Purim Post: Feel the fear and hide under the table
Guest Commentary: Velvel Goldfarb
f the coaching industry continues to grow at its present rate, pretty soon there will be more coaches than coachees. Once that happens, then maybe my workaholic twin brother, Ben, will be like me and out of a job.
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the life coach's "evil" twin brother Velvel. The under-achiever, believe it or not, is going to be a coach too. For the record, I'm committed to becoming one of the smallest, if not the smallest, coaching companies on the planet.
Why do I say I'm going to be small? Because I don't see the point of thinking big. I plan to service 2 or 3 clients at the most. If I set my sights low, I won't be disappointed.
Speaking of happy, I'm content just the way I am. Bro', just be happy with who you are and get over it. Forget ambition and motivation. Stagnation can be fun. I've been doing it since grade school, and I've elevated it to an art form.
Ben likes to say he is the opposite of a judge. A judge sentences people to prison, and Ben claims his company helps you escape from jail. If you read Kierkegaard, Ben, you would know that life isn't "Either/Or". Life presents a plethora of choices. My metaphor for coaching is teaching clients how to decorate their prison cells while they are doing 10-20 years.
I'm having a great time hopping from one colorful Amsterdam coffee house to another. I've got no family, no mortgage, and no worries. I get a buzz right after I wake up and my morning continues just fine. Before you know it, the A.M. bleeds into the afternoon, and then happy hour rears its delightful head. At the end of the day, I believe I have as many happy moments as my goodie-goodie brother does "helping" his clients.
Indulge me for a few moments as I take his little Paradigm Shift rules of thumb and put a Velvel spin on them.
The quality of our life is the quality of our thoughts
Wrong. It's the quantity of our thoughts that count. You claim we have 70,000 thoughts a day. Don't change the content of your thoughts, like Ben suggests, but rather just think less. When I find myself thinking too much, I play the Buddha of the bar and stop conscious activity all together. I stare at the bowl of pretzels and enter nirvana. The number of my thoughts dwindles down to 2 or 3 before I pass out.
Think big and write down your goals
Nah. That's just setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. "Aim low", I always say. As I read somewhere, "no pain, no pain".
Install an internal GPS system and set the coordinates
Ben says this to his clients all the time, and I'm the one who is supposed to be on drugs.
I'm not anti-Ritalin, I'm pro-ADD
First of all, Ritalin is great fun, especially if you mix it with a few Rum and Cokes. By calling ADD a gift and succeeding despite it, you are losing a great opportunity to blame ADD for your problems, which brings me to my next point.
Stop playing victim and take responsibility
You may disagree, but I was victimized. I could've been a contender. They didn't have to kick me out of school. They didn't have to stop me from auditing courses at UT. It is their fault. It is my parent's fault. It is the weather's fault. It's your fault, Benny boy.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
I say, feel the fear and hide under the table. It's dangerous out there, especially if they run out of vodka.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood-Richard Bandler/Tom Robbins
How can you even quote this nonsense? The past might be over, but with some hard work, I can allow it to haunt me the rest of my life. You go ahead and get nostalgic about your future, Ben. I prefer to live in the real world.
So, brother dearest, look out for your competition. I'm going to be a minor player in the junior leagues, so you better watch out. I might even send you some referrals if you aren't careful
.
Velvel Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas. He was kicked out of Western Hills Elementary school for trying to set fire to the volleyball net. He claims to be a pharmaceutical distribution coach, although few of his clients seem to be alive or out of rehab. When he's not lambasting his twin brother, Ben Goldfarb, he spends half the year in various coffee houses in Amsterdam, and the other half of the year at Fred's Rainbow Bar in Juarez, Mexico. He's still deciding what to do during the third half of the year. Velvel's book, "Schnorring for Dummies" will be released three days before his twin brother's book is published. Velvel can be reached in person in either city. Don't show up empty handed. © Copyright 2008 by Velvel Goldfarb
f the coaching industry continues to grow at its present rate, pretty soon there will be more coaches than coachees. Once that happens, then maybe my workaholic twin brother, Ben, will be like me and out of a job.
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the life coach's "evil" twin brother Velvel. The under-achiever, believe it or not, is going to be a coach too. For the record, I'm committed to becoming one of the smallest, if not the smallest, coaching companies on the planet.
Why do I say I'm going to be small? Because I don't see the point of thinking big. I plan to service 2 or 3 clients at the most. If I set my sights low, I won't be disappointed.
Speaking of happy, I'm content just the way I am. Bro', just be happy with who you are and get over it. Forget ambition and motivation. Stagnation can be fun. I've been doing it since grade school, and I've elevated it to an art form.
Ben likes to say he is the opposite of a judge. A judge sentences people to prison, and Ben claims his company helps you escape from jail. If you read Kierkegaard, Ben, you would know that life isn't "Either/Or". Life presents a plethora of choices. My metaphor for coaching is teaching clients how to decorate their prison cells while they are doing 10-20 years.
I'm having a great time hopping from one colorful Amsterdam coffee house to another. I've got no family, no mortgage, and no worries. I get a buzz right after I wake up and my morning continues just fine. Before you know it, the A.M. bleeds into the afternoon, and then happy hour rears its delightful head. At the end of the day, I believe I have as many happy moments as my goodie-goodie brother does "helping" his clients.
Indulge me for a few moments as I take his little Paradigm Shift rules of thumb and put a Velvel spin on them.
The quality of our life is the quality of our thoughts
Wrong. It's the quantity of our thoughts that count. You claim we have 70,000 thoughts a day. Don't change the content of your thoughts, like Ben suggests, but rather just think less. When I find myself thinking too much, I play the Buddha of the bar and stop conscious activity all together. I stare at the bowl of pretzels and enter nirvana. The number of my thoughts dwindles down to 2 or 3 before I pass out.
Think big and write down your goals
Nah. That's just setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. "Aim low", I always say. As I read somewhere, "no pain, no pain".
Install an internal GPS system and set the coordinates
Ben says this to his clients all the time, and I'm the one who is supposed to be on drugs.
I'm not anti-Ritalin, I'm pro-ADD
First of all, Ritalin is great fun, especially if you mix it with a few Rum and Cokes. By calling ADD a gift and succeeding despite it, you are losing a great opportunity to blame ADD for your problems, which brings me to my next point.
Stop playing victim and take responsibility
You may disagree, but I was victimized. I could've been a contender. They didn't have to kick me out of school. They didn't have to stop me from auditing courses at UT. It is their fault. It is my parent's fault. It is the weather's fault. It's your fault, Benny boy.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
I say, feel the fear and hide under the table. It's dangerous out there, especially if they run out of vodka.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood-Richard Bandler/Tom Robbins
How can you even quote this nonsense? The past might be over, but with some hard work, I can allow it to haunt me the rest of my life. You go ahead and get nostalgic about your future, Ben. I prefer to live in the real world.
So, brother dearest, look out for your competition. I'm going to be a minor player in the junior leagues, so you better watch out. I might even send you some referrals if you aren't careful
.
Velvel Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas. He was kicked out of Western Hills Elementary school for trying to set fire to the volleyball net. He claims to be a pharmaceutical distribution coach, although few of his clients seem to be alive or out of rehab. When he's not lambasting his twin brother, Ben Goldfarb, he spends half the year in various coffee houses in Amsterdam, and the other half of the year at Fred's Rainbow Bar in Juarez, Mexico. He's still deciding what to do during the third half of the year. Velvel's book, "Schnorring for Dummies" will be released three days before his twin brother's book is published. Velvel can be reached in person in either city. Don't show up empty handed. © Copyright 2008 by Velvel Goldfarb
Directing your own movie
Imagine you are recruited to co-direct and star in a major motion picture by one of the top directors in Hollywood. Despite your lack of experience, you are presented with an amazing contract. Your friends, colleagues, and your lawyer all advise you to sign on the dotted line. You follow their advice and take the job. Shooting starts in 10 days. A chauffeured limousine arrives at the studio to take you to the set. You get out of the car and find yourself at the door of your own home.
Whether we know it or not, we all are called upon to direct and star in the film of our own lives. If we have already assumed this role, there might be room for improvement and we can fine-tune what we are already doing. If we haven't started the job yet, it's never too late to begin.
Ask yourself what you want to see in your film. Is the film you are envisioning similar or different than your current life and to what extent? Your life may already be working well for you and you just might need to modify some elements of it.
A crucial element of your movie is selecting the genre. We lead complex lives and play many different roles so we probably will employ different genres depending upon the context.
Here are some guidelines:
Raising Children:
Communication with your children often falls under the genre of FOREIGN (without subtitles). You may want to take some steps to aim towards the FAMILY category.
Marriage
Married life is often filled with DRAMA and SUSPENSE. When appropriate, you may want to try some ROMANTIC COMEDY to lighten things up once in a while.
Profession
If you find yourself in a job that is reminiscent of HORROR, then you may want to aim towards the direction of ADVENTURE.
Goal Setting
If you find that your dreams, hopes and aspirations exist only in the realm of FANTASY, take some practical steps to move them into the world of DOCUMENTARY.
Once you have a clear idea of which genres you want to use, decide if you need a change of scenery, some new co-stars, or perhaps a major rewrite of the script. Take some time to find out what is called for and then create a plan of action with a time frame.
It is within your reach to direct a film that embodies your essence and resonates with your soul. Enjoy the journey. Celebrate each success along the way. Learn from minor setbacks and stay focused on the larger picture and keep the momentum going.
Accepting the job of director is an opportunity to live a full life and realize your potential. Write the script well, choose your co-actors wisely, and make your transitions between genres elegantly. Remember, you want to create a film that you would be happy to pay good money to see.
Whether we know it or not, we all are called upon to direct and star in the film of our own lives. If we have already assumed this role, there might be room for improvement and we can fine-tune what we are already doing. If we haven't started the job yet, it's never too late to begin.
Ask yourself what you want to see in your film. Is the film you are envisioning similar or different than your current life and to what extent? Your life may already be working well for you and you just might need to modify some elements of it.
A crucial element of your movie is selecting the genre. We lead complex lives and play many different roles so we probably will employ different genres depending upon the context.
Here are some guidelines:
Raising Children:
Communication with your children often falls under the genre of FOREIGN (without subtitles). You may want to take some steps to aim towards the FAMILY category.
Marriage
Married life is often filled with DRAMA and SUSPENSE. When appropriate, you may want to try some ROMANTIC COMEDY to lighten things up once in a while.
Profession
If you find yourself in a job that is reminiscent of HORROR, then you may want to aim towards the direction of ADVENTURE.
Goal Setting
If you find that your dreams, hopes and aspirations exist only in the realm of FANTASY, take some practical steps to move them into the world of DOCUMENTARY.
Once you have a clear idea of which genres you want to use, decide if you need a change of scenery, some new co-stars, or perhaps a major rewrite of the script. Take some time to find out what is called for and then create a plan of action with a time frame.
It is within your reach to direct a film that embodies your essence and resonates with your soul. Enjoy the journey. Celebrate each success along the way. Learn from minor setbacks and stay focused on the larger picture and keep the momentum going.
Accepting the job of director is an opportunity to live a full life and realize your potential. Write the script well, choose your co-actors wisely, and make your transitions between genres elegantly. Remember, you want to create a film that you would be happy to pay good money to see.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The flip side of the reality-challenged coin
Many of us are familiar with reality-challenged individuals. Some of them are waiting for alien aircraft to take them for a ride. (see http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1192380730400&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull). Other reality-challenged folks are camping out in Central Park waiting for the Beatles reunion concert. There is another category of people who look “normal” on the outside, but whose inner world is almost as challenging as the above individuals.
These “normal” reality-challenged people generally fit into one of four categories:
“Comfort Zone Dwellers”
“Comfort Zone Dwellers” are people who are happy to remain in their comfort zone, even though they aren’t enjoying it. Their comfort zone is a safe reality, but it is as effective as walking up the “down” escalator.
“Fuzzy Goal Setters”
“Fuzzy Goal Setters” have no defined dreams, hopes or aspirations, and if they do, their goals are as compelling and exciting as a three hour lecture on dental floss.
“Reality Mantra Mongers"
“Reality mantra mongers” might have powerful and compelling dreams and goals but feel they are unrealistic and therefore not attainable. They repeat the mantra "I'm just being realistic" over and over as a way of convincing themselves that there’s no point in trying. “Reality mantra mongers” usually take little action to transform their dreams into reality.
“False Prophets”
Although prophecy ended around two thousand years ago, false prophets love to peer into the future and predict worse case scenarios. Until prophesy returns, which will be any day now, it’s a good idea for the “false prophets” among us to visualize positive, or at least neutral, scenarios in their future.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all in favor of reality. I believe in gravity and I subject myself to its laws. I think it’s a good idea to eat, sleep, and even breathe on occasion. However, when we use reality as an excuse, we are selling ourselves short.
If we want to create an exceptional life and make a significant contribution to society, we have to expand our understanding of what reality is and how we can transform it with some ingenuity, hard work, and effective spam filters.
We often create our own limitations and then live within these restricted parameters. When we are open to creating a better reality, then we will we push ourselves to the limit.
“Reality” as many of us define it is a copout. There are countless examples of people throughout history who decided to not accept reality as it was and then created a new vision of it.
For example, Jonas Salk created a new reality in immunology. It is counter-intuitive to inject live polio virus into a person to help her. However, our understanding of reality changed when we learned that this process stimulates the body to produce its own anti-bodies, thus protecting the body from polio in the future.
Keep in mind that there’s a fine line between powerful goals and self-delusion. While our goals should be challenging, they should be within the realm of possible, or the not yet possible. Run your idea by an expert for a reality check. However, make sure this expert is a visionary thinker, and grounded without being a dream-stealer.
For instance, we have broken the sound barrier, but breaking the speed of light seems like an impossible task. As we learned in our high school physics class, as we approach the speed of light, time slows down and matter turns into energy. This poses a serious challenge to traveling at the speed of light. Being transformed into complete energy can make it difficult to shower and get to work on time.
Will we address these challenges and someday travel at the speed of light? I don’t know. Ask an expert. Find out what challenges have to be overcome in order to make this goal a new reality and if we will need to wait several generations until this becomes possible.
Reality is to a certain extent subjective. When you take the bold step of not using “reality” as an excuse, you will begin to feel the satisfaction of living in constantly improving realities that you helped create. Since you have a degree of free will in shaping your reality, make sure you design a good one.
-- -- --
Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future will be published in the summer. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit http://pdshiftcoaching.com, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb
These “normal” reality-challenged people generally fit into one of four categories:
“Comfort Zone Dwellers”
“Comfort Zone Dwellers” are people who are happy to remain in their comfort zone, even though they aren’t enjoying it. Their comfort zone is a safe reality, but it is as effective as walking up the “down” escalator.
“Fuzzy Goal Setters”
“Fuzzy Goal Setters” have no defined dreams, hopes or aspirations, and if they do, their goals are as compelling and exciting as a three hour lecture on dental floss.
“Reality Mantra Mongers"
“Reality mantra mongers” might have powerful and compelling dreams and goals but feel they are unrealistic and therefore not attainable. They repeat the mantra "I'm just being realistic" over and over as a way of convincing themselves that there’s no point in trying. “Reality mantra mongers” usually take little action to transform their dreams into reality.
“False Prophets”
Although prophecy ended around two thousand years ago, false prophets love to peer into the future and predict worse case scenarios. Until prophesy returns, which will be any day now, it’s a good idea for the “false prophets” among us to visualize positive, or at least neutral, scenarios in their future.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all in favor of reality. I believe in gravity and I subject myself to its laws. I think it’s a good idea to eat, sleep, and even breathe on occasion. However, when we use reality as an excuse, we are selling ourselves short.
If we want to create an exceptional life and make a significant contribution to society, we have to expand our understanding of what reality is and how we can transform it with some ingenuity, hard work, and effective spam filters.
We often create our own limitations and then live within these restricted parameters. When we are open to creating a better reality, then we will we push ourselves to the limit.
“Reality” as many of us define it is a copout. There are countless examples of people throughout history who decided to not accept reality as it was and then created a new vision of it.
For example, Jonas Salk created a new reality in immunology. It is counter-intuitive to inject live polio virus into a person to help her. However, our understanding of reality changed when we learned that this process stimulates the body to produce its own anti-bodies, thus protecting the body from polio in the future.
Keep in mind that there’s a fine line between powerful goals and self-delusion. While our goals should be challenging, they should be within the realm of possible, or the not yet possible. Run your idea by an expert for a reality check. However, make sure this expert is a visionary thinker, and grounded without being a dream-stealer.
For instance, we have broken the sound barrier, but breaking the speed of light seems like an impossible task. As we learned in our high school physics class, as we approach the speed of light, time slows down and matter turns into energy. This poses a serious challenge to traveling at the speed of light. Being transformed into complete energy can make it difficult to shower and get to work on time.
Will we address these challenges and someday travel at the speed of light? I don’t know. Ask an expert. Find out what challenges have to be overcome in order to make this goal a new reality and if we will need to wait several generations until this becomes possible.
Reality is to a certain extent subjective. When you take the bold step of not using “reality” as an excuse, you will begin to feel the satisfaction of living in constantly improving realities that you helped create. Since you have a degree of free will in shaping your reality, make sure you design a good one.
-- -- --
Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future will be published in the summer. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit http://pdshiftcoaching.com, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Ode to a comedian dying young
I was once part of a group of rambunctious teenagers who were hanging out on the river walk in San Antonio in the late 70s. We were singing Hebrew songs, even though we had no idea what the words meant. However, we were with Marvin, and we knew what that meant. We were in for the time of our lives.
In the midst of our singing, we were confronted by group of Palestinian students nearby who began “communicating” with us. Without a working knowledge of Arabic, we made a safe assumption that they were neither praising us, our ancestors, nor our descendents.
Our response to their outbursts was to sing louder. We were under the false impression that elevating the volume would make us and our enemies understand the meaning of our nonsense syllables.
Before we knew what was happening, Marvin approached the group and claimed to be an exchange student from South America. He put on a thick Spanish accent and got the group laughing so hard that they forgot their anger. They exchanged phone numbers and pats on the back. Marvin was the great peacemaker and statesman.
Suddenly we saw a frozen chicken begin its trajectory from a second story window to some nearby bushes. On its heels (or frozen wings) was the man of the house, running to retrieve his dinner.
He was screaming epithets at his wife as he desperately looked in the foliage for the inanimate fowl. Despite the fact that we attended high school, our English skills were nonetheless halfway decent. We understood that he wasn’t praising his wife’s cooking skills, nor her understanding of aerodynamics and gravity.
This incident was funny in its own right, but only Marvin could upgrade it to the status of hilarious. After the man went back to his apartment to confront his poultry-tossing wife, Marvin did a brilliant impression of this guy. He mastered the accent, the body language, and included every nuance in his routine, capturing every detail of the event. His performance surpassed the original.
Marvin wasn’t the kind of guy who memorized jokes and delivered them with comic timing. He looked at real life situations and gave extemporaneous performances that brought his audience to tears and to the verge of losing control of certain bodily functions.
His humor wasn’t just a way to get a laugh. It was intelligent and deep. We learned a great deal about ourselves when the laughter died down. Marvin was educating us about life in a comic way that no school could duplicate.
Marvin was my best friend. Many people gave him the same title. However, when he was with me, he conveyed the feeling that our friendship was special and that I was in competition with no one.
Marvin packed more into his 17 years of life than many people do in a lifetime. He was truly alive in every sense of the word, which made his tragic death even more painful to all those who knew him.
As long as we are alive, our mission has not yet been completed. I believe Marvin’s soul was summoned on high, and this was proof that his mission on Earth was finished. My mission right now is to maintain the humorous tone of this column. If I fail to do that, I run the risk of Marvin kicking my tushie all over town in the next world.
Darkness descended upon my soul when I found out that he was killed in a car accident. I entered a state of morbidity and angst that lasted for years. I was like a zombie. It was difficult to choose which Slurpee flavor to order at the neighborhood 7/11. I often found myself staring blankly at the Pakistani employee who waited patiently, adjusting his turban, until I placed my order. A few months later, John Lennon was killed. I wasn’t having a good year.
Two things happened that brought the light back into my eyes. One thing was internalizing the faith that everything happens for a reason and it is for the ultimate good. None of us could have done anything to prevent Marvin’s death. Furthermore, our years on earth are numbered. We have to live each day to the fullest because we don’t know which day will be our last.
The second thing that brought the light back into my eyes was when we named our son. Marvin’s Hebrew name was Meir, which means illuminate. My son’s middle name is Ya’ir, which is the future tense of Meir, he will illuminate.
My son, who should be blessed with 120 joyful and meaningful years, has a brilliant sense of humor. When I see the twinkle in his eyes, I can picture Marvin’s mischievous smile and hear his contagious laughter.
We won’t get a lot of the answers to our “why” questions in this world. I feel Marvin found out the answer to “why” he was taken from us, and I believe that the answer he was given made perfect sense to him.
When we are all united in the next world, we will then understand why Marvin left us so early. We will also get the answers to the other “why” questions that come up during our lifetimes.
In the meantime, we all had to figure out the “how” question: how to function without Marvin in this world. This was not easy, but slowly, I found myself choosing which Slurpee flavor I wanted even before I got out of the car.
Life went on. There are some funny people out there, and even if they can’t make us laugh like Marvin could, at least we can take some comfort knowing that we were blessed with exposure to his humor and the invaluable education he gave us.
With the gift of eternity, we will all be together when the time comes. We will hang out at “Marvin’s Improv” in the sky, reminiscing about old times, and anticipating new experiences together. And Marvin, the first round of drinks is on your best friend.
-- -- --
Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future will be published in the summer. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit http://pdshiftcoaching.com, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb
In the midst of our singing, we were confronted by group of Palestinian students nearby who began “communicating” with us. Without a working knowledge of Arabic, we made a safe assumption that they were neither praising us, our ancestors, nor our descendents.
Our response to their outbursts was to sing louder. We were under the false impression that elevating the volume would make us and our enemies understand the meaning of our nonsense syllables.
Before we knew what was happening, Marvin approached the group and claimed to be an exchange student from South America. He put on a thick Spanish accent and got the group laughing so hard that they forgot their anger. They exchanged phone numbers and pats on the back. Marvin was the great peacemaker and statesman.
Suddenly we saw a frozen chicken begin its trajectory from a second story window to some nearby bushes. On its heels (or frozen wings) was the man of the house, running to retrieve his dinner.
He was screaming epithets at his wife as he desperately looked in the foliage for the inanimate fowl. Despite the fact that we attended high school, our English skills were nonetheless halfway decent. We understood that he wasn’t praising his wife’s cooking skills, nor her understanding of aerodynamics and gravity.
This incident was funny in its own right, but only Marvin could upgrade it to the status of hilarious. After the man went back to his apartment to confront his poultry-tossing wife, Marvin did a brilliant impression of this guy. He mastered the accent, the body language, and included every nuance in his routine, capturing every detail of the event. His performance surpassed the original.
Marvin wasn’t the kind of guy who memorized jokes and delivered them with comic timing. He looked at real life situations and gave extemporaneous performances that brought his audience to tears and to the verge of losing control of certain bodily functions.
His humor wasn’t just a way to get a laugh. It was intelligent and deep. We learned a great deal about ourselves when the laughter died down. Marvin was educating us about life in a comic way that no school could duplicate.
Marvin was my best friend. Many people gave him the same title. However, when he was with me, he conveyed the feeling that our friendship was special and that I was in competition with no one.
Marvin packed more into his 17 years of life than many people do in a lifetime. He was truly alive in every sense of the word, which made his tragic death even more painful to all those who knew him.
As long as we are alive, our mission has not yet been completed. I believe Marvin’s soul was summoned on high, and this was proof that his mission on Earth was finished. My mission right now is to maintain the humorous tone of this column. If I fail to do that, I run the risk of Marvin kicking my tushie all over town in the next world.
Darkness descended upon my soul when I found out that he was killed in a car accident. I entered a state of morbidity and angst that lasted for years. I was like a zombie. It was difficult to choose which Slurpee flavor to order at the neighborhood 7/11. I often found myself staring blankly at the Pakistani employee who waited patiently, adjusting his turban, until I placed my order. A few months later, John Lennon was killed. I wasn’t having a good year.
Two things happened that brought the light back into my eyes. One thing was internalizing the faith that everything happens for a reason and it is for the ultimate good. None of us could have done anything to prevent Marvin’s death. Furthermore, our years on earth are numbered. We have to live each day to the fullest because we don’t know which day will be our last.
The second thing that brought the light back into my eyes was when we named our son. Marvin’s Hebrew name was Meir, which means illuminate. My son’s middle name is Ya’ir, which is the future tense of Meir, he will illuminate.
My son, who should be blessed with 120 joyful and meaningful years, has a brilliant sense of humor. When I see the twinkle in his eyes, I can picture Marvin’s mischievous smile and hear his contagious laughter.
We won’t get a lot of the answers to our “why” questions in this world. I feel Marvin found out the answer to “why” he was taken from us, and I believe that the answer he was given made perfect sense to him.
When we are all united in the next world, we will then understand why Marvin left us so early. We will also get the answers to the other “why” questions that come up during our lifetimes.
In the meantime, we all had to figure out the “how” question: how to function without Marvin in this world. This was not easy, but slowly, I found myself choosing which Slurpee flavor I wanted even before I got out of the car.
Life went on. There are some funny people out there, and even if they can’t make us laugh like Marvin could, at least we can take some comfort knowing that we were blessed with exposure to his humor and the invaluable education he gave us.
With the gift of eternity, we will all be together when the time comes. We will hang out at “Marvin’s Improv” in the sky, reminiscing about old times, and anticipating new experiences together. And Marvin, the first round of drinks is on your best friend.
-- -- --
Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future will be published in the summer. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit http://pdshiftcoaching.com, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb
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