Kevin Neil had the all the warning signs of a hijacker. Nervous affect, beady eyes, and uneven sideburns. But no airport security system in the world could detect his weapon. He was interrogated and searched by uniformed personnel and was allowed to board, even though he was indeed armed. His weapon was the uncanny ability to make everyone around him feel real bad.
You see, Kevin was an emotional terrorist. An emotional terrorist is not to be confused with a terrorist who has frequent mood swings. An emotional terrorist has the ability to manipulate the emotions of others. Using only his voice, he can terrorize his victims into a near comatose state of despair. This is not a good state to be in if you are piloting a plane.
However, Kevin picked a bad day to hijack flight 420 from San Francisco to LA. Justin Smythe, a counter emotional-terrorist expert, was on the flight. But Justin wouldn’t be the one to subdue Kevin.
Thirty minutes into the flight, Kevin stood up and grabbed the PA system from the flight attendant.
“Don’t worry. I’m not armed. I just want to make an announcement,” Kevin said.
The passengers were already starting to feel bad. Kevin had a droning voice which acted like a depression-inducing trance.
“I need to go on Oprah, and I need to do it today,” Kevin said.
All of the passengers, except for Justin, who was immune to Kevin’s manipulation, were feeling brow-beaten and passive.
One of the passengers managed to say, “Why do you want to go on Oprah?”
Because I need a larger audience to share my pain with. I’m really sorry to inconvenience you. But I must fly to Chicago. She goes live in a few hours.”
Justin stood up. “And if we disagree?”
“Who are you? And why are you smiling?” Kevin asked.
“You don’t intimidate me,” Justin said.
“I was just about to say the same thing to you. But you are too late, cowboy. Watch this.” Kevin said.
Kevin grabbed a flight attendant and began whispering something into her ear. She started crying and collapsed on the floor in a fit of desperation and misery.
“You don’t want me to do that to the pilot, do you?” Kevin asked.
All of the passengers nodded their heads from left to right and were beginning to feel much worse.
Justin said, “I bet you told the flight attendant about your high school prom, didn’t you?
Kevin answered, “Yes, but how did you know?”
“Because most of you emotional terrorists have the same sad stories, and they usually revolve around prom night.”
“What’s it to you?” Kevin asked.
"Watch this buddy," Justin said, as he ran to the flight attendant. Justin whispered something in her ear, and she started laughing uncontrollably. She stood, up, took a deep breath of air, and resumed her duties.
Kevin said, “So you told her about your silver medal in the Olympics, right?
“How’d you know?” Justin asked.
“All you counter emotional-terrorists are the same. Ex-athletes with nothing better to do than bully people like me.” Kevin said.
The passengers were on an emotional rollercoaster, first excited about Justin saving the day and then depressed at Kevin’s caustic rebuttal.
“Both of you are losers,” a 17 year-old named Darren stood up and said.
“Who are you?” Kevin asked.
"My name is Darren. I might have tattoos all over my body, and colored hair, and spend most of my time surfing, but there’s one thing I do know.”
“What’s that?” Justin asked, fearing that he would be upstaged by Darren.
"I don’t let the Kevins of the world get me down, and I don’t need Justins to cheer me up.” Darren said.
“But who makes you feel good or bad?” An elderly passenger asked.
“I chose my own feelings,” the surfer said.
The passengers were in shock. Even Kevin seemed impressed. But he had to act quickly. If Darren’s idea got popular, Kevin would be out of a job and he would never be on TV.
“Think about it people,” Darren said as he strolled up to the front of the plane. “Don’t ask what kind of mood you are in. Don’t rely on other people to choose your feelings for you. Ask yourself what mood you want to be in and then just do it.”
“But how?” Justin asked. They didn’t teach that skill in his counter emotional-terrorist course.
“It’s hard to understand if you aren’t a surfer. But trust me. It works. You just have to try,” Justin explained.
Kevin went back to his seat and started crying. Justin was a little depressed because he was made redundant by a kid. But most of the passengers were lost in thought, trying to figure out ways to choose their own emotions.
The plane landed safely a few moments later. The passengers decided not to press charges against Kevin, nor to tell Justin’s superiors that he was unable to sequester the airborne menace. But most of them did sign up with Darren for surfing lessons.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
The world’s youngest miracle worker
Karen wasn’t much different than most of her 10 year old peers. She loved rollerblading, watched "High School Musical" 1 and 2, and enjoyed outsmarting her parents whenever possible. The main difference between her and her classmates was that Karen could perform miracles.
She learned about her gift during a slumber party at her house. At midnight, Karen and her friends played a game in which Karen pretended she was a genie. Her friends asked the genie to grant their wishes.
One friend asked for a pony, another begged for her estranged parents to reunite, and the third requested a sneak preview of "High School Musical" 3, which wasn’t even in production yet. The game ended, and the girls fell asleep.
When Karen’s friends returned home, all of their dreams had materialized. One after another, they called Karen in a frenzy, telling her she was a miracle worker.
When Karen found out that her gift was real, she wanted to share this information with someone. Who could she trust implicitly with this revelation? Since she couldn't think of any logical candidates, she went ahead and told her parents.
Nigel and Janet were sympathetic and when Karen told them the news, they tried their best to avoid sounding skeptical. Karen knew that they didn’t believe her. She asked each of them to make a wish, and then they would have no choice but to take her seriously once the wishes came true.
Her parents humored her and verbalized their requests. Janet asked for a remodeled kitchen. Peter wanted a zoning permit that would allow him to open upon his garage across the street. He wanted to minimize his daily commute to work. The municipality had turned down his request for 5 years straight.
After a few minutes when neither wish materialized, Karen’s parents gently told her that she should give up her fantasy and just be happy being a normal 10 year old girl. Karen calmly informed her parents that the wishes only come true the following day. Her parents smiled and kissed her goodnight.
The next morning, Karen’s family was awoken by the doorbell at 7 am. Janet put on a bathrobe and answered the door. It was a FedEx messenger with a registered letter. She scribbled her signature and then went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Before Janet could put water in the kettle, she let out a scream that could have woken up the entire neighborhood.
Karen and Nigel ran downstairs to find out what happened to Janet. They arrived within seconds to see Janet hyperventilating in her beautifully remodeled kitchen. The room was a visual symphony of stainless steel, chrome, glass block, and Italian marble. In her panic, Jane dropped the registered letter.
Peter picked up the envelope and found the long awaited zoning permit inside.
Karen was laughing but refused to say “I told you so.”
“Karen, you can only share this gift with a few trusted people. Otherwise, we will be mobbed by people who want you to grant their wishes,” Nigel said.
But it was too late. The word was already out. Karen’s friends had told their family about the world’s youngest miracle worker. The tipping point had been reached. There was already a long line of people waiting to see Karen and get their wish.
“Since it’s a done deal, Karen, we’ve got to set up some ground rules,” Jane said.
“Like what?” Karen asked, excited to start her new job.
“Well, you can see people an hour a day after you’ve done your homework,” Jane said.
“Mom,” she pleaded. “I can save the world and you are treating me like a child.”
“You are a child, Karen.” Jane said. “You have a gift, but you can’t neglect yourself in the process.”
Karen reluctantly agreed to her parent’s restrictions.
Karen kept her reception hour 5 days a week. The lines were huge and hundreds of people had to be turned away each day. The family had to hire a full time administrator to filter through the email and fax requests that came in 24/7. Only a handful of the requests were deemed worthy of consideration.
The family had decided not to charge for this service, reasoning that this would somehow taint the gift and perhaps even cause it to vanish as quickly as it arrived.
In the meantime, Peter’s business was booming. While people were waiting to see Karen, many of them brought their cars in for a tune up or repairs in his conveniently located garage. Jane served refreshments to waiting customers and got clients for her new interior design business.
However, the situation wasn’t as pleasant for Karen. Her social life was eroding at a rapid pace. Instead of her celebrity status buttressing her popularity, it decreased it. Karen was seen as a 21st century wizard at best, or some kind of freak at worst.
As Karen was about to reach her 6th month anniversary with her gift, she asked her assistant to close shop a few minutes early. Karen was finally going to grant herself a wish for a change.
Her wish was two-fold. The first part was to release herself from her magical powers.
Before she continued to the second part of the wish, she was immediately flooded with guilt. Was she being selfish in wanted to rid herself of her gift? Shouldn’t she be using her magic to create world peace and fight hunger, crime and disease?
So what if she had no friends. That would be the price she would have to pay in order to create a better world.
Karen then reminded herself that her gift was only the ability to grant wishes for what people wanted. Most of her clients’ requests were for material things such as money, cars and instant plastic surgery.
If enough people wanted world peace, then there would be world peace, she reasoned. We haven’t fed the starving people in the world because not enough people desire that outcome yet.
With a clear conscience, Karen asked for the second half of the wish. Her desire was that humanity would be granted the wisdom to want the correct things. She wanted the world’s population to pine for the elements that would edify humanity, and not just satisfy their selfish needs.
As she felt the magic leave her soul, she wondered how long it would take for the global tipping point to take place.
-- -- --
{italic}{bold}Ben Goldfarb{/bold}was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book {italic} Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future{/italic} will be published in the spring. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the {url http://pdshiftcoaching.com/} Paradigm Shift Communications{/url}website, or send an email to {email ben@pdshiftcoaching.com}ben@pdshiftcoaching.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb{/italic}
She learned about her gift during a slumber party at her house. At midnight, Karen and her friends played a game in which Karen pretended she was a genie. Her friends asked the genie to grant their wishes.
One friend asked for a pony, another begged for her estranged parents to reunite, and the third requested a sneak preview of "High School Musical" 3, which wasn’t even in production yet. The game ended, and the girls fell asleep.
When Karen’s friends returned home, all of their dreams had materialized. One after another, they called Karen in a frenzy, telling her she was a miracle worker.
When Karen found out that her gift was real, she wanted to share this information with someone. Who could she trust implicitly with this revelation? Since she couldn't think of any logical candidates, she went ahead and told her parents.
Nigel and Janet were sympathetic and when Karen told them the news, they tried their best to avoid sounding skeptical. Karen knew that they didn’t believe her. She asked each of them to make a wish, and then they would have no choice but to take her seriously once the wishes came true.
Her parents humored her and verbalized their requests. Janet asked for a remodeled kitchen. Peter wanted a zoning permit that would allow him to open upon his garage across the street. He wanted to minimize his daily commute to work. The municipality had turned down his request for 5 years straight.
After a few minutes when neither wish materialized, Karen’s parents gently told her that she should give up her fantasy and just be happy being a normal 10 year old girl. Karen calmly informed her parents that the wishes only come true the following day. Her parents smiled and kissed her goodnight.
The next morning, Karen’s family was awoken by the doorbell at 7 am. Janet put on a bathrobe and answered the door. It was a FedEx messenger with a registered letter. She scribbled her signature and then went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Before Janet could put water in the kettle, she let out a scream that could have woken up the entire neighborhood.
Karen and Nigel ran downstairs to find out what happened to Janet. They arrived within seconds to see Janet hyperventilating in her beautifully remodeled kitchen. The room was a visual symphony of stainless steel, chrome, glass block, and Italian marble. In her panic, Jane dropped the registered letter.
Peter picked up the envelope and found the long awaited zoning permit inside.
Karen was laughing but refused to say “I told you so.”
“Karen, you can only share this gift with a few trusted people. Otherwise, we will be mobbed by people who want you to grant their wishes,” Nigel said.
But it was too late. The word was already out. Karen’s friends had told their family about the world’s youngest miracle worker. The tipping point had been reached. There was already a long line of people waiting to see Karen and get their wish.
“Since it’s a done deal, Karen, we’ve got to set up some ground rules,” Jane said.
“Like what?” Karen asked, excited to start her new job.
“Well, you can see people an hour a day after you’ve done your homework,” Jane said.
“Mom,” she pleaded. “I can save the world and you are treating me like a child.”
“You are a child, Karen.” Jane said. “You have a gift, but you can’t neglect yourself in the process.”
Karen reluctantly agreed to her parent’s restrictions.
Karen kept her reception hour 5 days a week. The lines were huge and hundreds of people had to be turned away each day. The family had to hire a full time administrator to filter through the email and fax requests that came in 24/7. Only a handful of the requests were deemed worthy of consideration.
The family had decided not to charge for this service, reasoning that this would somehow taint the gift and perhaps even cause it to vanish as quickly as it arrived.
In the meantime, Peter’s business was booming. While people were waiting to see Karen, many of them brought their cars in for a tune up or repairs in his conveniently located garage. Jane served refreshments to waiting customers and got clients for her new interior design business.
However, the situation wasn’t as pleasant for Karen. Her social life was eroding at a rapid pace. Instead of her celebrity status buttressing her popularity, it decreased it. Karen was seen as a 21st century wizard at best, or some kind of freak at worst.
As Karen was about to reach her 6th month anniversary with her gift, she asked her assistant to close shop a few minutes early. Karen was finally going to grant herself a wish for a change.
Her wish was two-fold. The first part was to release herself from her magical powers.
Before she continued to the second part of the wish, she was immediately flooded with guilt. Was she being selfish in wanted to rid herself of her gift? Shouldn’t she be using her magic to create world peace and fight hunger, crime and disease?
So what if she had no friends. That would be the price she would have to pay in order to create a better world.
Karen then reminded herself that her gift was only the ability to grant wishes for what people wanted. Most of her clients’ requests were for material things such as money, cars and instant plastic surgery.
If enough people wanted world peace, then there would be world peace, she reasoned. We haven’t fed the starving people in the world because not enough people desire that outcome yet.
With a clear conscience, Karen asked for the second half of the wish. Her desire was that humanity would be granted the wisdom to want the correct things. She wanted the world’s population to pine for the elements that would edify humanity, and not just satisfy their selfish needs.
As she felt the magic leave her soul, she wondered how long it would take for the global tipping point to take place.
-- -- --
{italic}{bold}Ben Goldfarb{/bold}was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of a personal and corporate coaching company, Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and trainings at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book {italic} Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future{/italic} will be published in the spring. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the {url http://pdshiftcoaching.com/} Paradigm Shift Communications{/url}website, or send an email to {email ben@pdshiftcoaching.com}ben@pdshiftcoaching.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb{/italic}
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
The 7.3 magical rules for a happy marriage
The following rules will make a challenged marriage good, a good marriage better, and if we are lucky, put divorce lawyers out of business.
1. Dating
Most experts and laypeople agree that it’s a good idea to stop dating right after your engagement. Studies have shown that dating while engaged or married can lead to some minor misunderstandings and should be avoided at all costs.
2. Metaphors
Select a metaphor that best defines your marriage. Some couples see themselves as co-pilots on a transatlantic journey. Others view themselves as vice presidents of a corporation. I met a couple recently who sees their marriage as an intricate game involving Nerf ™ balls, spatulas, and mosquito netting.
3. Create a joint mission statement
Companies and non-profit organizations are encouraged to create and maintain mission statements. Married couples can benefit from this same advice. Keep the mission statement short, to the point, and write it in a language that neither one of you understands. One of the tricks of a happy marriage is being artfully vague whenever possible.
4. Job descriptions
I’m a big advocate of romance in marriage. (See number 5.) However, we can learn from corporate America how to set the stage for a good marriage. (See http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1198517273463&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull). Write up your job descriptions so that each of you knows what is expected from the other. This can include household chores, financial obligations and taking turns being emotionally strong, weak, or domineering.
5. Romance
Go out once a week for some fun and romance. You are not allowed to talk about money during these outings. Shopping for mundane items before, during, or after the event is strictly forbidden. Divide up the conversation fairly. For example, when my wife and I go out, I spend the first half of dinner discussing my hopes, dreams and aspirations. During the second half of the meal, my wife gives me her feedback about what I said.
6. Five-year plans
Write a joint five-year plan. Set your financial, spiritual, emotional, and entertainment goals. Evaluate your progress each quarter. Reward yourself for each success and brutally punish yourself for every failure.
7. Tupperware ™
Buy lots of Tupperware ™. I have no vested interest in Tupperware ™, nor do I plan on becoming a distributor. I’ve never even been to a Tupperware ™ party, although I’ve heard they can get pretty wild. However, Tupperware ™ products maintain the “cook and freeze” lifestyle that might contribute more to marital bliss than any other single factor.
“.3”
While we are striving to be “one” in our relationships, no one can underestimate the importance of temporarily diminishing yourself in relation to your spouse. You and your significant other can takes turns being the decimal in the relationship. This will not only teach you humility, it will help you brush up on your math skills.
Don’t worry if you didn’t have a chance to put these rules into effect from the beginning of your marriage. You can start at anytime. I’ve seen marriages improve miraculously by applying these 7.3 rules. I’ve also heard about a couple who not only upgraded their marriage by internalizing these lessons, but is now lobbying in Beijing to include their Nerf ™ ball event in the next Olympics.
1. Dating
Most experts and laypeople agree that it’s a good idea to stop dating right after your engagement. Studies have shown that dating while engaged or married can lead to some minor misunderstandings and should be avoided at all costs.
2. Metaphors
Select a metaphor that best defines your marriage. Some couples see themselves as co-pilots on a transatlantic journey. Others view themselves as vice presidents of a corporation. I met a couple recently who sees their marriage as an intricate game involving Nerf ™ balls, spatulas, and mosquito netting.
3. Create a joint mission statement
Companies and non-profit organizations are encouraged to create and maintain mission statements. Married couples can benefit from this same advice. Keep the mission statement short, to the point, and write it in a language that neither one of you understands. One of the tricks of a happy marriage is being artfully vague whenever possible.
4. Job descriptions
I’m a big advocate of romance in marriage. (See number 5.) However, we can learn from corporate America how to set the stage for a good marriage. (See http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1198517273463&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull). Write up your job descriptions so that each of you knows what is expected from the other. This can include household chores, financial obligations and taking turns being emotionally strong, weak, or domineering.
5. Romance
Go out once a week for some fun and romance. You are not allowed to talk about money during these outings. Shopping for mundane items before, during, or after the event is strictly forbidden. Divide up the conversation fairly. For example, when my wife and I go out, I spend the first half of dinner discussing my hopes, dreams and aspirations. During the second half of the meal, my wife gives me her feedback about what I said.
6. Five-year plans
Write a joint five-year plan. Set your financial, spiritual, emotional, and entertainment goals. Evaluate your progress each quarter. Reward yourself for each success and brutally punish yourself for every failure.
7. Tupperware ™
Buy lots of Tupperware ™. I have no vested interest in Tupperware ™, nor do I plan on becoming a distributor. I’ve never even been to a Tupperware ™ party, although I’ve heard they can get pretty wild. However, Tupperware ™ products maintain the “cook and freeze” lifestyle that might contribute more to marital bliss than any other single factor.
“.3”
While we are striving to be “one” in our relationships, no one can underestimate the importance of temporarily diminishing yourself in relation to your spouse. You and your significant other can takes turns being the decimal in the relationship. This will not only teach you humility, it will help you brush up on your math skills.
Don’t worry if you didn’t have a chance to put these rules into effect from the beginning of your marriage. You can start at anytime. I’ve seen marriages improve miraculously by applying these 7.3 rules. I’ve also heard about a couple who not only upgraded their marriage by internalizing these lessons, but is now lobbying in Beijing to include their Nerf ™ ball event in the next Olympics.
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