My name is Gil. I’m 35, newly engaged, and gainfully employed in my own time-sharing business. After several months of hearing my fiancée Angelica’s lectures about her biological clock ticking, I developed an issue with my biological clock. Due to my DNA malfunctioning, I’m starting to get younger.
It all started when I noticed my receding hairline was beginning to fill in. In addition, my prematurely graying hair returned to its original color. I went to my family physician and told him my concerns. He displayed his empathy by laughing in my face. Nonetheless, he humored me and ran a few tests anyway.
My doctor called me the next day with an apology and his interpretation of my test results. He had a preliminary confirmation that something was array with my aging process. He sent the test results to the Mayo Clinic for verification. A week later, they confirmed that my DNA was programmed to reverse my aging process. I was getting younger by the second.
While this might sound like a good thing on the surface, when you do the math, it’s a scary prospect. I’m trying to break off my engagement.
When my biological age returns to 25, I told Angelica, she will be 40. If we have children, they will catch up to, and then surpass, my age.
If we go through with this crazy marriage idea, I argued, she will progress from looking like my older sister, to my mother and then my grandmother. I no longer fear death, I explained to her, I'm terrified of reaching my second birth.
Angelica refused to break off our engagement. She had faith that the Mayo researchers would get me to grow up again. And even if they didn’t succeed, she would stick with me to the infantile end. Our love, she reasoned, would transcend my wacky DNA.
According to the research team, I would maintain my full intellectual capabilities as my body underwent the developmental stages in reverse order. I would get stronger and faster in my 20s and teens, but eventually I would resort to crawling, blabbering, and well, I don’t want to go there.
So we got married despite my protests. Angelica aged appropriately and I continued to regress. Angelica found it flattering when people wondered what a 25 year old guy found so appealing about a 40 year old woman. In a few years, our gaps in age would look ridiculous to the outside world.
Getting younger made no difference to me professionally. All my work was done by email and phone. When I turned into a voice-cracking adolescent, I would purchase some telephony software to mask my voice. We had two children who where intrigued by the idea of a father who was getting closer in age to them each year.
On my second 18th birthday, my wife was 47, and my children were 16 and 14. Things took a turn for the better on that day. I was on my way to play tennis with my oldest son. The only times he beat me at tennis was when I felt sorry for him and I let him win. It was in this context that I made the discovery.
As I was getting ready for our trip to the club, I looked in the mirror and peered at one of the most beautiful sights I have ever witnessed. I saw a gray hair on my head. It was in the same location that it was the first time I turned 18.
We skipped the tennis game and I went to the doctor with my wife. To the other patients, we looked like a concerned mother taking her son in for a physical exam.
The doctor confirmed that I was indeed aging again, but he sent me to the Mayo clinic to run a battery of tests. They confirmed that I was, thank God, getting older. The researchers had frozen some of my cells and they were attempting to clone them. They were optimistic that they could boost terminal patient’s immune systems with my reverse aging cells.
My wife and I did some more math in the waiting room. When I turn 50, Angelica will be 79. “So what?” I thought. My wife was concerned that I would leave her for a younger woman. I assured her of my loyalty to her.
After all, she stuck with me while I grew younger and I'm totally committed to staying with her as she ages. My dedication to her will never change. What might change is my career. I’m thinking of going into futures.
-- -- --
Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and training sessions at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book, "Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future" will be published next year. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the Paradigm Shift Communications website, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The 7.3 radical spins on dating
If your dating hasn’t led you to your life partner yet, then you might want to try a different approach. The following guidelines will help you find your soul mate.
1. Showing up
Show up on time, but come as you are. Forget about showering and finding the perfect outfit. Go ahead and arrive after working out at the gym, running, or meeting with your parole officer. When married, we usually don’t have the time to create our ideal state before getting together, so get used to it now.
2. Location
Real life isn’t about sipping coffee and eating cinnamon rolls. Try the following option for your first date.
Meet at a carpenter’s workshop. Build a bookshelf, a stereo cabinet or maybe some farming implements. Anyone can ingest food, but only a select few can construct something together without getting into a fight.
3. Conversation
Forget those meaningless discussions highlighting your good points. Instead, be brutally honest. Although I met my wife 10 years before we got married, when we started talking about tying the knot, I decided to reveal my deep, dark secrets. I didn’t want her to have any surprises during the marriage.
For example, I told her about my nasty habit of biting nails, or more specifically, biting other people’s nails.
When she didn’t balk, I showed her my picture taken immediately upon awakening in the morning. She decided to marry me anyway.
4. Timing
Call your date 10 minutes before she has a deadline or 45 minutes after he has fallen asleep. Learn how they deal with pressure or exhaustion.
5. Projects
Don’t just get together and talk. Involve yourselves in projects. Here are some ideas:
Adopt a puppy, a dysfunctional family or a third world country. See how your teamwork plays itself out.
Start a campaign to bring free meals back to the airlines or a public service project to teach diction to President Bush. Measure each other’s idealism when working on your social activism.
6. Assess character traits
Physical beauty is great, but character traits outlive our looks. Is your date kind to strangers, patient with children, and playful with DMV employees? If not, remember that magical word: Next.
7. Analyze your personality change
Does she bring out your best, your worst, or perhaps your secret desire to open up a Viking restaurant? Is this transformed person you become in her presence the one with whom you want to spend the rest of your life?
.3 Deciding
In his book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell discusses our ability to make decisions based on instinct. While you shouldn’t agree to get married based on your gut feelings alone, steps 1-7 will help you confirm what you already intuited after the first .3 seconds of meeting your date. If your conscious and unconscious minds are on the same page, then go for it. If not, then test out your teamwork in a different third world country.
-- -- --
Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and training sessions at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book, "Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future" will be published next year. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the Paradigm Shift Communications website, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com. Visit his blog at http://bengoldfarb.blogspot.com.
© Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb
1. Showing up
Show up on time, but come as you are. Forget about showering and finding the perfect outfit. Go ahead and arrive after working out at the gym, running, or meeting with your parole officer. When married, we usually don’t have the time to create our ideal state before getting together, so get used to it now.
2. Location
Real life isn’t about sipping coffee and eating cinnamon rolls. Try the following option for your first date.
Meet at a carpenter’s workshop. Build a bookshelf, a stereo cabinet or maybe some farming implements. Anyone can ingest food, but only a select few can construct something together without getting into a fight.
3. Conversation
Forget those meaningless discussions highlighting your good points. Instead, be brutally honest. Although I met my wife 10 years before we got married, when we started talking about tying the knot, I decided to reveal my deep, dark secrets. I didn’t want her to have any surprises during the marriage.
For example, I told her about my nasty habit of biting nails, or more specifically, biting other people’s nails.
When she didn’t balk, I showed her my picture taken immediately upon awakening in the morning. She decided to marry me anyway.
4. Timing
Call your date 10 minutes before she has a deadline or 45 minutes after he has fallen asleep. Learn how they deal with pressure or exhaustion.
5. Projects
Don’t just get together and talk. Involve yourselves in projects. Here are some ideas:
Adopt a puppy, a dysfunctional family or a third world country. See how your teamwork plays itself out.
Start a campaign to bring free meals back to the airlines or a public service project to teach diction to President Bush. Measure each other’s idealism when working on your social activism.
6. Assess character traits
Physical beauty is great, but character traits outlive our looks. Is your date kind to strangers, patient with children, and playful with DMV employees? If not, remember that magical word: Next.
7. Analyze your personality change
Does she bring out your best, your worst, or perhaps your secret desire to open up a Viking restaurant? Is this transformed person you become in her presence the one with whom you want to spend the rest of your life?
.3 Deciding
In his book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell discusses our ability to make decisions based on instinct. While you shouldn’t agree to get married based on your gut feelings alone, steps 1-7 will help you confirm what you already intuited after the first .3 seconds of meeting your date. If your conscious and unconscious minds are on the same page, then go for it. If not, then test out your teamwork in a different third world country.
-- -- --
Ben Goldfarb was born and raised in El Paso, Texas, and is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin. He moved to Israel in 1988. He is the founder and director of Paradigm Shift Communications. He has given seminars and training sessions at Israel Aircraft Industry and Philips Medical Systems. His book, "Double Feature: A Nostalgic Peek into the Future" will be published next year. He lives with his wife and children in Jerusalem. For more information about his coaching practice, visit the Paradigm Shift Communications website, or send an email to ben@pdshiftcoaching.com. Visit his blog at http://bengoldfarb.blogspot.com.
© Copyright 2008 by Ben Goldfarb
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
But last year
I wasn't much of a swimmer, but for some reason, I joined the swim team anyway. I don't know what motivated me to inflict this punishment on myself. I dove into the ice cold water every weekday morning of my summer vacation at 7 o'clock. I asked myself the same question that many athletes ask during challenging times, "What am I doing out of bed?"
Our team had a meeting at the beginning of each week. We would discuss various issues such as upcoming field trips, facts and fantasies about the teams with whom we would be competing, and whether or not Mark Spitz would drop by for a surprise visit to show us his 7 gold medals.
Invariably, Molly, our "butterfly" champion, would utter her infamous phrase during these meetings. Her tonality was not unlike the sound of a hamster doing a Madonna impression.
“But last year…..”
In her 11 year old brain, she would look at current reality and compare it to a similar situation the year before. If the realities were the same, she would remain quiet.
However, if the two scenarios were different, her nervous system would send a command to her mouth to say those words in a whining voice "But last year…..”
I’m a patient guy and I have a high tolerance for pain. I can tune out annoying people and their wretched tonality.
However, our coach was different. Yelling was one of his hobbies. Anger shouldn't be managed, he reasoned, it should be cultivated.
Coach Miller used to be a truck driver, a Latin tutor and a short order cook. He was forced into early retirement because he tried to do these jobs at the same time.
He was stuck with us now. Ironically, Molly was only the subject of his wrath one time per season. He could hear Molly’s whining "but last year" the entire summer without reacting. However, when the red line was crossed, he blew up at Molly way out of proportion to her offense.
Towards the end of the season, Coach Miller started talking to us about the upcoming swim meet. We were instructed to bring our own lunches this year. He was about to explain why this was different than last year when Molly raised her hand.
We all signaled to her to put her hand down. Her best friend was begging her to be quiet.
Molly was insistent. We all braced ourselves for the fallout.
"But last year…" Molly started.
Coach Miller stopped what he was saying and looked deep into Molly’s eyes.
I could smell the chlorine rising from the pool and the faint odor of Jack Daniels on Coach Miller's breath. Someone's transistor radio was playing "Free Bird."
He clenched his fists and was about to throw his clipboard to the ground. Suddenly, his central nervous system gave him a new command. He had some kind of epiphany.
He took a deep breath and said the following. "The Good Lord didn’t bless me and my wife with our own kids. I see all of you as my own children. I love each member of this swim team like you are my own flesh and blood."
"Then why do you yell at us all the time," I asked, expecting to be thrown into the pool.
"I’m tough on you because I want to prepare you for the real world, which is a lot tougher than I am."
Coach Miller continued, "I’m not just speaking to Molly now, but I’m speaking to all of you. Just because something was done “last year” doesn’t mean it was right. It may have been the correct thing then, but not necessarily. We have to learn to think out of the box and do what’s best for us this year and next year, and not just what we did in the past."
"I admire Molly for speaking up. And I want to publicly apologize for every time I yelled at her, and for that matter, for every time I yelled at all of you."
We had never heard the coach apologize for anything.
"My yelling came from a place of love, and now I have to show how much I love you in a different way. I want to thank Molly for teaching me a great lesson."
With that statement, the coach hugged Molly. We had never seen the coach hug anyone except his wife when she picked him up after practice.
We lost the swim meet, but we had a good time. Coach Miller smiled a lot and was very encouraging. He was definitely a new man, and not like last year at all.
At the awards banquet, I received the "Most Improved Swimmer" trophy which I think was a way of thanking me for not drowning and thereby sparing the team from a nasty law suit.
Our team had a meeting at the beginning of each week. We would discuss various issues such as upcoming field trips, facts and fantasies about the teams with whom we would be competing, and whether or not Mark Spitz would drop by for a surprise visit to show us his 7 gold medals.
Invariably, Molly, our "butterfly" champion, would utter her infamous phrase during these meetings. Her tonality was not unlike the sound of a hamster doing a Madonna impression.
“But last year…..”
In her 11 year old brain, she would look at current reality and compare it to a similar situation the year before. If the realities were the same, she would remain quiet.
However, if the two scenarios were different, her nervous system would send a command to her mouth to say those words in a whining voice "But last year…..”
I’m a patient guy and I have a high tolerance for pain. I can tune out annoying people and their wretched tonality.
However, our coach was different. Yelling was one of his hobbies. Anger shouldn't be managed, he reasoned, it should be cultivated.
Coach Miller used to be a truck driver, a Latin tutor and a short order cook. He was forced into early retirement because he tried to do these jobs at the same time.
He was stuck with us now. Ironically, Molly was only the subject of his wrath one time per season. He could hear Molly’s whining "but last year" the entire summer without reacting. However, when the red line was crossed, he blew up at Molly way out of proportion to her offense.
Towards the end of the season, Coach Miller started talking to us about the upcoming swim meet. We were instructed to bring our own lunches this year. He was about to explain why this was different than last year when Molly raised her hand.
We all signaled to her to put her hand down. Her best friend was begging her to be quiet.
Molly was insistent. We all braced ourselves for the fallout.
"But last year…" Molly started.
Coach Miller stopped what he was saying and looked deep into Molly’s eyes.
I could smell the chlorine rising from the pool and the faint odor of Jack Daniels on Coach Miller's breath. Someone's transistor radio was playing "Free Bird."
He clenched his fists and was about to throw his clipboard to the ground. Suddenly, his central nervous system gave him a new command. He had some kind of epiphany.
He took a deep breath and said the following. "The Good Lord didn’t bless me and my wife with our own kids. I see all of you as my own children. I love each member of this swim team like you are my own flesh and blood."
"Then why do you yell at us all the time," I asked, expecting to be thrown into the pool.
"I’m tough on you because I want to prepare you for the real world, which is a lot tougher than I am."
Coach Miller continued, "I’m not just speaking to Molly now, but I’m speaking to all of you. Just because something was done “last year” doesn’t mean it was right. It may have been the correct thing then, but not necessarily. We have to learn to think out of the box and do what’s best for us this year and next year, and not just what we did in the past."
"I admire Molly for speaking up. And I want to publicly apologize for every time I yelled at her, and for that matter, for every time I yelled at all of you."
We had never heard the coach apologize for anything.
"My yelling came from a place of love, and now I have to show how much I love you in a different way. I want to thank Molly for teaching me a great lesson."
With that statement, the coach hugged Molly. We had never seen the coach hug anyone except his wife when she picked him up after practice.
We lost the swim meet, but we had a good time. Coach Miller smiled a lot and was very encouraging. He was definitely a new man, and not like last year at all.
At the awards banquet, I received the "Most Improved Swimmer" trophy which I think was a way of thanking me for not drowning and thereby sparing the team from a nasty law suit.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
The 7.3 secrets of raising children
Although many kids feel they are raising their parents (http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull&cid=1192380814685), we have the ominous task of raising the next generation of hard working, moral, and table-mannered citizens.
Parenting is both the most difficult and the most rewarding profession on earth. It is riddled with a mixture of joy, sadness, and the constant worry that one of our children will end up being a game show host.
Here are the 7.3 secrets that will make raising kids easier, more effective, and relatively guilt-free.
1. Leading
Our children are going to learn by our example. If we want them to be generous, then we have to give them a generous example to follow. If we lead a healthy lifestyle, they will emulate us. Keep in mind that they will probably copy our negative character traits as well.
2. Controlling
Attempting to control our kids will be as effective as trying to drive a car while locked in the trunk. Instead of seeing ourselves as drill sergeants, we should picture ourselves as flight instructors, gently sharing our wisdom with our kids from the co-pilot seat. Although we might have to act quickly at times to prevent them from heading into a tailspin, they need to be trained to fly solo as soon as possible.
3. Motivating
All motivation boils down to self-motivation. We have to teach our kids to care enough about their lives to motivate themselves without our intervention. Despite the best of intentions, when we try to motivate our kids, our cajoling is often interpreted as tyrannical and can backfire on us.
4. Rewarding
The anticipation of a reward always works better than the threat of a punishment. This is true not only for kids, but also for adults and most circus animals.
5. Acting
If you are trying to act cool in front of your kids, I have one word of advice: don’t. They see right through attempts to dress like them and listen to their music. They have enough bad examples in their lives without us adding to them. We have to be ourselves, as nerdy as that might appear on the surface.
6. Loving
We have to teach our kids to love life. If we don't generate and receive love, we run the risk of bailing our children out of jail or hiring deprogrammers to get them out of cults.
7. Living
We have to live in the moment with our kids. They grow up faster than we can even imagine. Take the time to enjoy the pockets of eternity that we call parenting. If we blink one too many times, we will miss their entire childhood.
.3 Respecting
We can’t treat our children like sub-humans, i.e., less than a whole person and only a decimal. Even though they are smaller than us, they are human beings and have feelings. Although they might be capable of torturing their siblings in ways that even Torquemada never considered, they are nonetheless sensitive souls. While kids are supposed to honor their parents, we have an obligation to treat them with a modicum of decency, even when others aren’t looking.
These secrets are only guidelines and are not intended as a complete list. Parenting is an ongoing challenge and the rules seem to change all the time. We must enjoy our kids and do our best. And remember that there are worse things than our children hosting "Wheel of Fortune".
Parenting is both the most difficult and the most rewarding profession on earth. It is riddled with a mixture of joy, sadness, and the constant worry that one of our children will end up being a game show host.
Here are the 7.3 secrets that will make raising kids easier, more effective, and relatively guilt-free.
1. Leading
Our children are going to learn by our example. If we want them to be generous, then we have to give them a generous example to follow. If we lead a healthy lifestyle, they will emulate us. Keep in mind that they will probably copy our negative character traits as well.
2. Controlling
Attempting to control our kids will be as effective as trying to drive a car while locked in the trunk. Instead of seeing ourselves as drill sergeants, we should picture ourselves as flight instructors, gently sharing our wisdom with our kids from the co-pilot seat. Although we might have to act quickly at times to prevent them from heading into a tailspin, they need to be trained to fly solo as soon as possible.
3. Motivating
All motivation boils down to self-motivation. We have to teach our kids to care enough about their lives to motivate themselves without our intervention. Despite the best of intentions, when we try to motivate our kids, our cajoling is often interpreted as tyrannical and can backfire on us.
4. Rewarding
The anticipation of a reward always works better than the threat of a punishment. This is true not only for kids, but also for adults and most circus animals.
5. Acting
If you are trying to act cool in front of your kids, I have one word of advice: don’t. They see right through attempts to dress like them and listen to their music. They have enough bad examples in their lives without us adding to them. We have to be ourselves, as nerdy as that might appear on the surface.
6. Loving
We have to teach our kids to love life. If we don't generate and receive love, we run the risk of bailing our children out of jail or hiring deprogrammers to get them out of cults.
7. Living
We have to live in the moment with our kids. They grow up faster than we can even imagine. Take the time to enjoy the pockets of eternity that we call parenting. If we blink one too many times, we will miss their entire childhood.
.3 Respecting
We can’t treat our children like sub-humans, i.e., less than a whole person and only a decimal. Even though they are smaller than us, they are human beings and have feelings. Although they might be capable of torturing their siblings in ways that even Torquemada never considered, they are nonetheless sensitive souls. While kids are supposed to honor their parents, we have an obligation to treat them with a modicum of decency, even when others aren’t looking.
These secrets are only guidelines and are not intended as a complete list. Parenting is an ongoing challenge and the rules seem to change all the time. We must enjoy our kids and do our best. And remember that there are worse things than our children hosting "Wheel of Fortune".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
