Hamburgers and Eternity: A Mother’s Lessons about Food, Humility, and Attaining our Life’s Mission

This blog is in memory of my mother, Alma Jean Goldfarb, of blessed memory, and was written on the occasion of the second year after she went on her next journey.

 When I was 16, I volunteered to be the food chairman for the upcoming Chanukah party. I told my mom about it and she asked me if I needed any help. I answered yes, because at the time, my knowledge of food was limited to seeing something on my plate and stuffing it into my face. So mom took me to the store, and asked me questions to which she already knew the answers. Her goal was to make me feel included, and to teach me to do this on my own, someday. She taught in a way that you didn’t feel you were being instructed. She was such a good example, that I couldn’t help but learn by modeling her thoughts, beliefs and attitudes about food preparation, cooking and about life.

 The party went well, everyone complimented me on the food and I was recognized as the chairman. Of course I knew, and most of the participants knew, that my Mom was behind 99% of the work. My mom knew it as well, but she just smiled when they mentioned my name and she had no desire whatsoever for recognition, publicly or privately.

 I recently heard from a rabbi that the highest level that a person can attain is to constantly work behind the scenes to make positive things happen without letting anyone know about it. This elevated individual doesn’t even care if someone else gets the credit. The goal is to contribute to the world and make it a better place for its own sake. Credits are for the end of the movie, not for these types of individuals, and not for my mom, Ela Shayna bat Yerachmiel Meyer HaCohen.

 I have seen this behavior in other people, although probably not as good as my mom did it.

 Torat Eretz Yisrael: The authors of this series of books give permission to photocopy, duplicate, and/or distribute by any means to publicize these words of Torah to make G-d’s name great and glorious.

 Rav Carlibach: Shlomo was opposed to copywriting his songs, as he felt that they were gifts from G-d. He had no problem with people performing his work, but only asked that they sing it properly, as it was a specific gift from G-d and should be transmitted as authentically as possible.

 My dad, may he have 120 years of health and happiness, was having a conversation with a rabbi a few years ago. The rabbi said he wasn’t sure that his spiritual guidance was doing any good for his congregation, but said that he, as a physician, has healed countless patients and he at least knows that he is doing actual, tangible work. My dad pointed up to the heavens indicating G-d’s role in the heading. My dad was illustrating the old saying, G-d does the healing and the physician collects the fee.

 The knowledge that G-d gives us gifts helps us to remain humble, but humility doesn’t mean that we need to have low self-esteem. On the contrary, our success is a reflection of G-d, and a way of illustrating His Glory that is manifested in our effort. This recognition of the source of our talent gives us an obligation to cultivate these gifts. Like one of my favorite quotes that says it best: our talents are G-d’s gift to us, what we do with those talents is our gift back to G-d.

 You taught us great lessons, mom, and we are passing these lessons on to your grand-children. We are convinced that they will teach their children as well. You created a legacy and I’m sure you don’t care if you name is attached to that either.

Your soul is happy in the next world knowing that you left planet Earth better place than when you arrived, and for that you are joyful, whether or not you get the credit. We hope and pray for the arrival of Mashiach (Messiah) today. And when all souls are reunited and praise G-d in unity and harmony, I’m sure you will still find ways to hide your role that you had, and will continue having, on manifesting positive impact on the higher and lower worlds.

 May your memory continue to be for a blessing and may your soul be elevated even higher.

Ben Goldfarb is a personal and corporate coach who works as a freelancer with Standup communications. He can be reached at ben@standupcommunications.com.