Relaxation Attacks: Don’t Become the Next Victim

According to my undisclosed sources, 9 out of 6 Americans suffer from Relaxation Attacks. Left unchecked, frequent Relaxation Attacks could become a permanent part of our personality and translate into a long-term feelings of gratitude, calm, and a sense that life has meaning.

Before we let the unthinkable occur, let’s discuss how to recognize the symptoms, extricate ourselves from the attacks, and prevent them from happening in the first place.

Recognize the Symptoms

Relaxation Attacks often occur suddenly when you are in the midst of a stressful activity such as existing. You might feel your breathing slow down to an almost normal rate, your prolific perspiration stop and a burning desire to write a five-year plan to improve your life.

Take Action

If you are in the midst of a Relaxation Attack, take these steps immediately:

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• Take several shallow breaths
• Visualize the worst possible scenarios occurring to you in the near future.
• Distort positive memories from your past into your worst nightmares

Before you know it, you will be back to your default state of angst and existential crisis.

Prevention

If we take a few minutes to changes our daily habits, we will be able to significantly decrease our chances of having Relaxation Attacks.

Physical

Avoid exercise at all costs. Aerobic exercise produces endorphins that make us feel good and could trigger a Relaxation Attack. Letting our body go to seed will keep us in a state of pessimism that acts as a natural inoculation to Relaxation Attacks.

Spiritual

Take 20 minutes in the morning and the evening to complain about all that is missing in our life. Make sure to ignore all of the billions of gifts that are showered upon us every second of every day. If a thought of gratitude crosses our mind, gently shrink it down until it disappears forever.

Professional

Take a job that makes the most money even if you hate it. Develop horrible time management skills so you can work overtime and rarely see your family. Rinse and Repeat each day until retirement.

Social

Keep your thoughts to yourself in your relationships. Assume that your spouse or significant other knows what you are thinking and get angry at them when they don’t respond to your unspoken needs and wants. Anger often leads to depression which is a great barrier to Relaxation Attacks.

By educating ourselves, we can reverse the statistics. Perhaps we will someday live in a world where only 7 out of 6 Americans suffer from Relaxation Attacks. By helping ourselves, we are lending a helping hand to the global community that answers to the name of Earth.